I Need Help
Make sure it is safe for you to call.
Do not leave messages if it is not safe for you to be called back.
Call for help
If it is an emergency dial 111
Safe To Talk | 0800 044 344
Available 24 hrs. Trained specialists for sexual harm, non judgmental, confidential.
Shine Domestic Abuse Helpline | 0508-744-633.
Open to take calls 7 days a week, from 9am-11pm. Shine’s Helpline is free to call from any phone in New Zealand.
Shakti 24hr Crisis Line | 0800 SHAKTI (0800 742 584).
Rape Crisis | 0800 883300
Man Alive | 0800 826 367
Available Monday to Friday 8.30 to 5.00, Programmes of non-violence for men and boys, education on healthy relationships and wellbeing.
Avoid Serious Injury and Escape Violence
Think ahead and plan so that in that moment of crisis when you are being assaulted, you have already thought through what you will do to try and avoid serious injury.
Leave if you can. Identify the easiest escape routes – doors, windows etc. Are there obstacles to a speedy exit?
Preparation for Separation
- Make advanced arrangements and escape plans
- Tell only very trusted friends or support workers about your plans. Arrange transport in advance if possible and know where to go.
- This plan can be given to the police if necessary.
Tell children only what they need to know, when they need to know it. They don’t need the stress of keeping a difficult secret, and younger children often are not able to keep secrets.
- Gather documents your important documents such as passports, birth certificates, copies of protection orders, IRD numbers, bank accounts, legal papers, medical information etc.
Take yourself, children, cash, wallet, bank cards, passports, medication, documents, and keys to your house, car, clothing, personal needs, cell phone, important contact details, cell phone, phone card and list of important addresses and phone numbers, items for children including toys, school needs, clothes, nappies. Take a Photograph of your partner so that people protecting you know what your partner looks like.
- Leave copies of documents, spare clothing and toiletries for yourself and children, some cash, spare keys, medication and other essential items with a trusted friend in case you need to leave in a hurry.
- Ask your family doctor to carefully note any evidence of injuries on your patient records.
Long Term Safety after Separation
You may want to apply for a Protection Order if you feel that your ex-partner is likely to be deterred by the Order. Your lawyer, Family Action case manager or advocate can help you with this.
Teach your children what to do if your ex-partner makes contact with them unexpectedly, breaching access arrangements, i.e. rules about checking first before opening the door, coming inside or going to neighbours if he/she comes to the house, telling a teacher if they are approached at school.
Make sure that the school is aware of your situation and any potential safety risks. They will need to be made aware of any legal orders affecting the children.
If possible, vary your routine, use different shops and banks to those you used when you lived with your ex-partner.
Strengthen your home security if possible. If the ex-partner has ever had access to your home or to your keys, you will need to change your locks. You may also want to strengthen your home security, if you are able to, with bolt locks, security chains or security screens, window stays, etc. and make sure you children know to use these security features at all times.
Consider installing an outside lighting system that lights up when a person comes near your house at night.
Plan for extra safety between leaving your car and entering your home, e.g. an automatic garage door opener, safety lighting, or removal of shrubs or trees in the area.
Vary your travel routes to and from work or anywhere else you go routinely. Keep a map handy and pre-plan routes in unknown areas to prevent you from having to leave your vehicle.
Alert your neighbours that your partner does not live with you and ask them to call the Police if she/he is seen near your house, or if they hear an assault occurring.
Tell your employer that you have a Protection Order, or that you are afraid of your ex-partner, and ask for your telephone calls at work to be screened, that reception does not allow your ex-partner access to you, and/or if someone can walk you to your car, especially if it is parked in an isolated place.
If your ex-partner breaches the Protection Order, telephone the Police and report it, contact your lawyer and your Family Action case manager.
Ask your telephone company to install ‘Caller ID’ on your telephone and ask for an unlisted number.
Contact Elections NZ on 0800 367 656 or go to www.elections.org.nz and ask for your name and address to be excluded from the published electoral roll.
Avoid using social media, or use only with great caution to hide all personal information that might give away where you live and anything about you that you wish to keep private from your ex-partner. You also need to make sure that any of your ‘Friends’ on social media know to not disclose anything about where you live, including on social media.
Talk to your children about their use of social media. Depending on their ages and maturity level, it may be wise to restrict their access to any social media, or make sure they understand to never give out their personal details on social media.
There’s no right or wrong way to develop a safety plan. Use what applies. Add to it. Change it to reflect your particular situation. Make it your own, then review it regularly and make changes as needed.
Keep it in a safe place
Planning to leave – Leaving- Staying
Keep these items in a safe place-
- Copy of Protection Order
- Medicine for you and your children
- Copies of Birth Certificates for you and your children
- Passports for you and your children
- Children’s toys
- Spare cash, ATM card and money for taxi / bus if needed
- Drivers licence
- Copies of bank details
- Any other important documents eg. insurance or residency papers
- Important phone numbers
- Your loved and treasured items like photos or jewellery
- If possible get a cell phone and keep this with you. Work and Income may be able to help you buy a cell phone. Even a pre-pay cell phone with no money on it can be used to call Emergency 111
Emergency numbers you may need: –
Police 111 or ask for Fire Service they are often quicker
Family Action 8.30am – 4.30pm Ph 836 1987
Domestic Violence Helpline (Shine) 7.30am – 11pm Ph 0508 744 633
Shakti 24 hour crisis Ph 0800 742 584
Victim Support Ph 0800 842 846
Auckland Sexual Abuse (HELP) 24 hour crisis line – Ph 623 1700
Friends / whanau / family _______________________________________________
Keep these with you – your partner can learn who you’ve been talking to by looking at phone bills and cell phones.
Preparation for a crisis – things to do with your children (if appropriate)
- Rehearse your escape plan
- Teach them how to use the telephone to contact the police and the fire department. Make sure they know their address
- Use a code word with your children or your friends so they will call for help
- Teach them how to use the auto dial (programme emergency numbers to autodial)
- Prearrange to see who would be able to let you stay with them, lend you some money, a phone and keep spare keys
- You can increase your independence by opening a bank account and getting credit cards in your own name; taking classes or getting job skills
- Tell your neighbours about the violence and request they call the police if they hear violent noises coming from your house
- Always know where your protection order is kept, you can get another copy from the court that issued it if necessary.
- Inform friends and neighbours and family that you have a protection order.
- If my partner breaches the order, I can call the police and report the breach, contact my lawyer and call my advocate.
At Work and in Public
- You can inform your boss about your situation and ask them to screen calls at work.
- You can change your patterns – avoid stores, banks, doctor’s appointments and places where your partner might find you.
- You can inform people that your partner and you are no longer together and ask them to call the police if they believe you and your children are in danger.
Emotional & physical health and well being
- If your feeling down, lonely, anxious, depressed or confused, call or ask for help from your support networks, including Family Action Abuse and Trauma Counselling Ph 837 2491.
- Take care of your physical health needs by getting a check-up with your doctor and dentist. The Antara Clinic provide free natural health care, counselling, massage etc in Waitakere Ph 834-7987.
- If you have left your partner and are considering returning, speak to your support networks before making your decision.
- Change the locks on doors and windows and replace wooden doors with steel / metal doors
- Install security systems including additional locks, window bars, poles to wedge against doors
- Report any incidents, abusive texts and social networking manipulation
- Install smoke detectors and put fire extinguishers on each floor in my home
- Tell people who take care of your children which people have permission to pick them up and make sure they know how to recognise these people by photos
- Report any child safety concerns to your lawyer or lawyer for your child
To keep myself and my children safe I have to protect myself until I / we are out of danger.
Reporting Sexual Assault to Police – Help Videos
Below are a series of videos that New Zealand Police have produced for victims of sexual assault that outlines what is involved in reporting a sexual assault to Police:
Reporting Sexual Assault to Police – STEPS 1-5
Reporting Sexual Assault To Police STEPS 1-5 takes you through the journey of reporting a sexual assault. Police officers, support and medical staff explain what is involved and let you know that you’re not alone in this journey.
Quick Facts: Sexual Violence
Dr Cathy Stephenson from Doctors For Sexual Abuse Care (DSAC) outlines some of the myths that surround sexual violence and how they influence our understanding of it.
Quick Facts: Sexual Consent
Dr Cathy Stephenson from Doctors For Sexual Abuse Care (DSAC) outlines some quick facts on sexual consent.
WHY DON’T PEOPLE REPORT SEXUAL ASSAULTS?
Only around one in ten sexual assaults are reported to Police. In this video some university students share their views on why that is.
WHAT IS SEXUAL CONSENT?
University students share their views on sexual consent – what it is, how to ask for it and how to know when you’ve got it.
Reporting Sexual Assault To Police STEP 1 – How To Report
The Reporting Sexual Assault To Police series takes you through the journey of reporting a sexual assault. In Step 1 Senior Sergeant Tania Van Ooyen offers reassurance, advice and outlines what happens when you first report a sexual assault.
Reporting Sexual Assault To Police STEP 2 – First Interview
The Reporting Sexual Assault To Police series takes you through the journey of reporting a sexual assault. In Step 2 Detective Senior Sergeant Anthony Tebbutt outlines what happens at the first interview when you report a sexual assault.
Reporting Sexual Assault To Police STEP 3 – Emotional Support
The Reporting Sexual Assault To Police series takes you through the journey of reporting a sexual assault. In Step 3 Irene Livingston from the Hutt Rape Counselling Network outlines what emotional support is available for victims of sexual assault.
Reporting Sexual Assault To Police STEP 4 – Medical Check Up
The Reporting Sexual Assault To Police series takes you through the journey of reporting a sexual assault. In Step 4 Dr Cathy Stephenson from Doctors For Sexual Abuse Care outlines what happens at the medical check up.
Reporting Sexual Assault To Police Step 5 – Formal Interview
Reporting Sexual Assault To Police series takes you through the journey of reporting a sexual assault. In Step 5 Detective Nicole Bourke outlines what happens at the formal interview.